Hello, world. This is going to be the place where I’m going to be completely honest. Hopefully someone will get to reading this. I didn’t feel like for a while that I had anything to say, but in the times we’re living in, it seems like now is the perfect time to let my freak flag fly.
To those of you don’t know me, hey, I’m Lauren. I’m currently trying to figure out what I should identify myself as to you. I’ve been a lot of things in my lifetime thus far: I was a dancer, model, artist, photographer, sales associate, waitress, college student, and a mentally ill individual.
You didn’t see that coming, did you? But this is a conversation I want to have with you. People don’t talk about mental illness nearly enough, but that’s a whole other conversation for another day. I have been suffering from a mental illness from a pretty young age; at first my parents thought I had autism, then I was “going through a phase,” then I was diagnosed as depressed and anxious, and then, finally, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about two years ago.
I don’t want to be that person that says they aren’t defined by their mental illness, because that’s just not true. I may be asymptomatic most days, especially taking into account my meds, but it does intervene in my daily life. Borderline people like myself have abandonment issues, mood swings, manic episodes, self-doubt and self-loathing.
It sounds like a lot. And that’s because it is. Sometimes that piece of myself is breathing down my neck and other times it’s trailing far behind me. My mental state, like life, comes and goes in waves.
I’ve come to terms with who I am, who I’ve always been, and who I’ll always be. I may not like myself all the time but who does? My hope by writing here is to try to help you and other people make sense of life, whether it’s in regards to mental illness or self-image or just simply what it is to be human.
Before I start to turn into a rambling mess thank you for reading; I’ll be writing you again soon.